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JOE'S GARAGE

 Dong Work For Yuda

Notes and Comments
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Central Scrutinizer:
... Joe was sent to a special prison
where they keep all criminals
from the music business... you know...
the who get caught... it's
a horrible place, painted all green inside
  CC
  Hey, look, what a great piece of FZ project/object life conceptual continuity. From The Real Frank Zappa Book p.81
  "We got married a couple of days before I left for the first Eropean tour. She was nine months pregnant, with delivery imminent. We went to the New York City Hall, arriving just before closing time...
  We then rush over to one of the little "marrying cubicle". It was green inside, and remind me of a pool table".
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Father Riley B. Jones:
This a story 'bout Bald-Headed John.
  From the cover credentials
  All selections composed, arranged & conducted by Frank Zappa except "Dong Work For Yuda", for which John Smothers provided words (the good ones)
From: 92ul08@chestud.chalmers.se (NAURIN, JON)
  I think John Smothers was Frank's bodyguard, which he hired after being knocked off stage in 1972. When Frank introduced the song on stage, he used to thank Smothers for his contributions to the english language. Does anyone know if JS appeared on stage on the acapella version, saying those weird lines (What's that coming out of your mouth, suh-limah?), or if it was someone in the band?
From: spb0377@ocvaxa.cc.oberlin.edu
  It was someone in the band. (Bozzio, I believe.)
  John is John Smothers, Frank's bodyguard from circa '76 to the end of his touring career. The song is basically a collection of in-jokes about Smothers's bizarre approach to language. (Its relation to the Joe's Garage plot is tenuous at best, but what the hey - the performance is nice.)
From: lantz@primenet.com (Bill Lantz)
  Smothers did not do the 88 tour. Apparantly he had become ill sometime after the 85 Senate hearings - you can still see him by FZ's side there.
From: zdesk@aol.com (ZDesk)
  John was Frank's bodygaurd for years. Apparently, he had a talent for turning funny little phrases, spoonerisms, and the like. He has one of the better lines in Baby Snakes: "This band is young........This band is...stupid"
From: Bill <billf_ihatespam@patriot.net>
  I don't remember where I got most of the following info, so please take it with grain of salt:
  John is an ex-policeman from the Washington DC / Baltimore area. I don't know how he became introduced to FZ, but he was in FZ's employ from about 1975-1984.
  He and his family were in the audience one night at one of the Washington DC FZ shows in 1988.
From: Chris Roe <cr256@geocities.com>
  In the video "we don't mess around" Munich 78.Smothers says he heard zappa play classical music & he was hooked.(maybe moi?)Said he has worked with frank since the flo & eddie days.It also looks like he's backstage during the pier shows in 84.Maybe he never quit(?)
From: AJ Wilkes <u6n71@keele.ac.uk>
  In the Circus Crone TV special there's an interview with Smothers, and he mentions all the 'cats' that have been in the band, and he mentions Flo & Eddie and George Duke. Could have been employed possibly earlier than 75, though probably not as early as 71.
  I'm sure there's a picture in one of the FZ books (Michael Gray's? Mother??) where FZ is in Czech-etc or one of the Eastern Block countries, and a big black guy who looks like Smothers but older is standing near him. This would be around 1991?
  CC
  One could see the sinister face of John Smothers in rage in the bottom left corner of The Man From Utopia album back-cover. He're really tearing off the photographer head! Now it's on the back of CD booklet!-)))
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Former Execs:
Dong Work for Yuda, Dong, Dong
From: shermy@delphi.com
  I believe that John Smothers was "Yuda," and the "dong work" is a reference to some of the shit John talked (mostly around the "Baby Snakes" era with the likes of Terry-Ted Bozzio) about penis size (his, mostly), other band members' sexual preferences, and his overall loose grip on the English language. Most of the spoken word parts in the song, by Terry, are supposedly actual quotes of things John would say to fellow members of the touring ensemble. "Dong Work for Yuda" orignally appeared, I think, as a semi-acoustic/sung-harmony live bit (well, at least, I've got a 1977 boot with this on it).
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  The acapella version of "Dong Work for Yuda" on Apocrypha has Terry Bozzio singing.
From: hackbod@storm.cs.orst.edu (Dianne Hackborn)
  Well, 'Yuda' is you and 'dong work' encompasses the various activities involving a penis.
From: lantz@primenet.com (Bill Lantz)
  Mike Keneally spoke about Yuda on a radio interview last year. Apparantly there was a Japansese promoter named Udo or similar and Smothers called him Yuda.
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Former Execs:
He said Dong was Wong
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And Wong was Kong
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And Dong was Gong
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  A dong is a penis. Joe is going to do some dong work for Yuda (Bald-headed John) in prison by bending over. Bald-headed John has the iron sausage, the Kong. Another classic movie is "King Kong" about a giant gorilla. So the Kong is a large dong.
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Bald-Headed John:
Make way for the iron shaschige
  CC
From: "Peter de B. Harrington" <harring@helios.phy.ohiou.edu>
  Sausage refers to its resemblence to a penus and relates to "the night of the iron sausage" in torture [ never stops. Zoot Allures] and hometown sausage jamboree, which occurs in tinsel town (I think) on humor.
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Bald-Headed John:
Bartender, bring me a colado and milk
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  A pina colada is a fancy ladies' drink. It usually comes with a little paper umbrella in the glass and is flavored with pineapple and coconut. Not the kind of drink you would expect Bald-headed John or John Smothers to order. Maybe John Smothers drank these and the band members thought it was funny?
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Bald-Headed John:
On second thought, make that a water...
HtO
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  H2O, Di-hydrogen oxide, water. John gets it wrong again. John orders the water instead of the coloda drink. When John Smothers is supposed to guarding Frank, he shouldn't be getting drunk.
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Bald-Headed John:
Falcum!
Take me to the falcum!
From: spb0377@ocvaxa.cc.oberlin.edu (Pat Buzby)
  ... to paraphrase from memory a story Frank told : in '76 or '77, the band was going to play at the Falkonner Theatre (spelling?) in Copenhagen, and Frank and Smothers needed to take a taxi from the hotel to the venue. So Smothers gets in the front seat of the taxi and shouts "Falcum!". The driver has no idea what he means. Smothers repeats himself, and the driver still doesn't understand. Then Smothers shouts, "Take *me* to de Falcum!" The frightened driver gets up and *runs* from the taxi to the hotel lobby to try and find out what's going on from the hotel manager. Thus, "take me to the falcum."
  The above story doesn't work too well without the benefit of being able to hear Smothers's speaking style (he appears in parts of Baby Snakes), but hopefully this helps a little.
From: tropp@ce.chalmers.se (Ulf Tropp)
  Zappa played at Falkonerteatret (which means the Falconer Theatre) 1988 too. Falcon/Falcum was the secondary Secret Word that night (primary was 'Air Hose'). I seem to remember a large sculpture of a falcon somewhere near/at the building.
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Bald-Headed John:
I wave my bags
Did you wave your'n
From: ulrich@sfu.ca <Charles Ulrich>
  Presumably "I weighed my bags. Did you weigh yours?"
From: lantz@primenet.com (Bill Lantz)
  Not a prertty picture, but I think he's talking about scrotums.
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  Maybe he's waving his large testicles? Did you wave yours?
From: biffyshrew@aol.com (Biffyshrew)
  How about: "I weighed my bags, did you weigh yours?" A necessary preparation before boarding a plane.
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Bald-Headed John:
This girl must be praketing richcraft
From: Vladimir Sovetov <sova@kpbank.ru>
  Practicing witchcraft? Was her name Ethel The Tree ?-)
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  Debra Kadabra? Guacamole Queen? Camarillo Brillo?
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Bald-Headed John:
Yeah, I studied with the Dong of Tokyo
From: Brian Zavitz <bzavitz@fres2.GLFC.Forestry.CA>
  I don't know what he means here. He's probably referring to where he learned to be a bodyguard.
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I just love the way these Copenhagens talk
  See *Falcum* comments above
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Driver McDoodle
From: lantz@primenet.com (Bill Lantz)
  Smotherism for telling the driver of the limo to take them to McDonalds restaurant.
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Once a mumfth...
From: lantz@primenet.com (Bill Lantz)
  Once a month. As in period.
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