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YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON STAGE ANYMORE, vol 5

German Lunch (Mothers Of Invention)

Notes and Comments

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From: Francesco Gentile <f.gentile@caspur.it>
  Bootleg(s) in which this version has appeared:
  • "Remington Electric Razor" (LP).
  In this bootleg "My name is Fritz" is an excerpt from GL
From: Patrick David Neve <splat@gladstone.uoregon.edu>
  Dialog starting with > indicates that it appears in bootleg form, but not on the Stage version.

Custom Officer: Uhh, may I see your papers pleez??
Uhhh, lemme see.
Hand me your suitcase, let me . . . open it.
I'm just a bit nervous you understand.
Open the suitcase.
This hasn't happened . . . too often.
Uh-huh, I see, how many . . . sixty-two packages of cigarettes. Why are
you carrying all zees into Germany for? What are you doing this for?
I . . . I . . .
How long have you been livin' in Berlin?
I don't live in Berlin.
Where do you live?
I live in Texas.
Texas?
Texas.
Oh I see, Lyndon Johnson lives in Texas too, does he not?
I know, Sure does.
Ooh, hm this is alright.
You mind . . . Is it alright if I shut my suitcase off?
Shut it off???
Ha, ha ha ha.
Do you care for one of these cigarettes.
>[Fritz:] Is the light on?
>Is the light still on?
>Oh, good! Its off...good...well...
Now, who's this lady you are with?
What lady?
This lady here, standing next to you.
Oh this is uh, this is
Has she has papers too?
PAPERS! Lemme see your papers!
How come you have to yell so much, what did we do?
I don't yell.
We're just trying to get into the country.
This is my country, it's not your country, I go am here, I've been standing
here for years and years doing zis every time. You making me very angry.
Is this ze Fazerland.
This is ze Fazerland yes.
>[Girlfriend:] Can I show you a sample of my country?
>[Fritz:] Are you jewish?
>[Zappa:] No, you ask him...
>[Fritz:] What? Am I jewish?!
>No! Im not jewish! Why do you ask me?
>[Texas guy:] Well, I thought that...
>[???] Are you jewish?
>[Fritz:] Show me a sample of your country.
>[Girlfriend:] Hehehehe...
>[Fritz:] Oho! Oh my god! Oh!
>Is that your country?
>Oh my god! Oh!
>[???:] Look...
>[Texas guy:] Keep your eyes off her.
>[Fritz:] Who are you? Oh, youre from Texas.
>[Texas guy:] Shes my girlfriend.
FZ: Listen you ought to check all the Mothers through customs. Hey line up
as soon as you finished . . .
Are you through with me, sir?
You may step over here to the right.
Thank you.
>[Fritz:] THE REICH!
>[Girlfriend:] How about me, porky?
>[The others in the background:] Hehehehe
My name is Fritz, open the suitcase please?
Just a moment here, just a moment.
What is this there's sixty two copies of 'Horseshit Magazine.' What are
you carrying 'Horseshit Magazine' around for . . .
It's a hoax, hold it, hold it here.
What is this. Right there!
Hold it hold it. I'll never forget you Fritz
Alright, next, you may close this now.
Next who's up, uh, here he comes. Who are you? Hand me your paper.
Here's my papers
Your name is Duke? What's this Duke, Duke DeWild. Have you seen many
German movies, you ever go to ze movies?
I never go to the movies
What is zis, you bring zees into Germany. Zees are Japanese tools. Why do
you bring Japanese tools to Germany where we make the finest tools ever,
you, what are you doingk? That's 60 marks for you, oh my God, what's the
matter with you?
(coughing)
Oh my God, please please not here. Step . . . . Oh my God, what are you
doingk. Oh, who are you, what is your name, hand me your paper. Is your
name Larry? Larry Frnoga?
Yes.
Larry Frnoga?
Larry Frnoga
Oh my God, what are you doing, what are you doing zat for?
I'm beating the horse to make it go faster.
That's not a horse that's a table.
What's the difference?
Ha, ha, ha
Don't go too fast, does it, for a table.
What is this? Ohhh, zefrin, CL brand of ah nasal spray. You have a cold?
How long have you had a cold?
About a year. (about.)
You had a cold for a year, are you trying to bring a cold into zis
country. Oh my God don't cough on me. What is this medal say. Sais Berlin
survival award 1968.
That's where I got my cold.
You were here before in Berlin.
That's right.
What, what were you doing in Berlin?
I gave a concert
You gave a concert in Berlin?
That's right.
To whom?
The German people.
The German people
Yes.
Don't take the German people lightly, I say, who is this man here, is it
Arthur, Arthur Tripp
Arthur, Arthur
It's a German name is it not?
English
Tripp?
Ja.
Tripp?
Ja, JA?!
Ja, ja-ja...
Stop giggling, you're having too much fun, you know we arrest people for
having to much fun here.
I beg your pardon.
When you come to someone else's country do you run around on the grass and
make it dirty everywhere you go?
No, I stick pretty close to the bars.
You know you people all look... bars?
We have a lot of bars here
Y'sure do. Heh-heh, scuze me if I laugh.
Don't laugh.
Alright I'll do that.
Who is this man here, the other man?
He's our leader.
He is your leader?
Ja.
Wh-what is his function and how does he lead you?
>[Art Tripp:] Oh its kind of hazy.
>[Fritz:] Hazy?
[Art Tripp:] He directs us by with signals.
[Fritz:] What does he signals? What does it look?...Why?...What?
[Art Tripp:] Well, there were various vocal noises.
[Fritz:] Vocal noises? Vat are some of the noises?
Eh, peep.
Peep?
Poowah.
Pooowahhhhhh
>[Fritz:] Oh! You are going to do this for the german people?
>[Art Tripp:] If you can dig it.
I see you all are very well organised, we all like order in Germany, you know.
>[Fritz:] Everything is in its place in Germany.
You have such a pleasant smile, may I see your papers?
You see I don't excactly have my papers with me I.
You don't have papers?
I may have left them in my other bag.
He has no papers huh.
He has no papers.
I mean if there was something I could do for you.
Do you have any identification.
Identification, lemme see.
It's a nice watch you have on.
WaB ist los?
It used to have a Mickey Mouse there, I...
I tell you what I'll do.
If if if you give me zat watch.
Nein.
That's a very strange german accent.
Ja ha ha ha.
Are you sure . . .
He was transport etwas (etwas = something)
Hes a spy...
Are you sure hes a russian?
Hes a russian, I think.
I think so.
Get Him.
Hands Up!
Oh God.
What's goin' on?
>[Fritz:] WHAT`S YOUR NAME!?
>[Hans:] HANS!
>[Fritz:} STOP!! WE CAN SHOOT YOU!!
>[???:] We can shoot you?
>[Fritz:] NO!!
>[Strange to listen to, so much voices...]
>[???:] He said "no".

>[Fritz:] Do you have any gold in your teeth?
>[???:] No, silver..
>[Fritz:] Silver? Open your mouth.
>[???:]Do you have a

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