The Poodle Lecture

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  Below is lecture's transcription synced:-))) here and there with the video images of Baby Snakes movie.
From: (Anzoh Hay )
The Poodle Lecture

(You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore - Vol. 6 / Baby Snakes Video)
In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God
made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called man, the
second mistake was called wo-man and the third mistake was the
invention of the poodle. Now the reason the poodle was such a big
mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer,
but he fucked up. Now long time ago the poodle used to be a very
attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over
it's small piquant canine type body. That's the way it used to
be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's
true, I guess you do too.
Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you
know the regular dogs that used to hang round the neighbourhood
looked at the poodle and they didn't think anything of it. They
didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the wo-man,
as you know, has always been much smarter than the man. *
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're
interupting my story, now listen:

What is that? Is that the tower of power or what. Oh no no no,
it's one of those dope feind devices, take it away, now listen:
The wo-man has always been much smarter than the man, you know
this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The man
would do anything to get some pussy. And that's why the wo-man
always had control over him. In the beginning the wo-man looked
the man directly into the eye and said: I tell you what, why
don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things
around the house.
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Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors and
a pair of
zircon encrusted tweezers, (get's a necklace from
someone out of the audience) -thank you very much.
And of course
the man did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he
got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for
about $2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden
and gave that money to the wo-man. The wo-man ran out the back
door of the garden of Eden went directly to the hardware store.
Got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers
and came back and while the man was very tired from having his
job, while he was sleeping the wo-man got a hold of the poodle.
Because the wo-man had noticed earlier that the lenght and the
proportion of the poodle's oral appendage, the tongue of the dog
in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her
liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It
didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays. And so the
wo-man sat out to modify the afore mentioned dog. Let me get a
little eh visual aid. (Zappa takes a pink stuffed poodle) Now she
took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she
took a little bit of the back-part here around the neck, the
thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extranious material
of this area which we shall call Burbank. And then she sat the
little sucker up like this, really nice. Got his mouth set up
like that and squatted right on him. Looking down into the dog's
eye. She looked down into the dogs eyes, do you know what she
said to the dog. She said:
  * Edited out from this lecture, but to be heard on video 'Baby Snakes' 00:18.04: 'Brooklyn for example ?? 'The present day composer refuses to die, it should give Edgard Varese credit right down there. Should have his name on it. Thank you, okay. (followed by Dirty Love)
  Check out zircon encrusted tweezers heavy-duty usage on

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