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BROADWAY THE HARD WAY

 Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk

Notes and Comments
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There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot nine
  See comments to Bacon Fat
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Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin'
'Cause her sweet little hubby's
Suckin' prong part time
(In the name of The Lord)

Did he really choose Tammy to do His Work?
From: Mr_Gigabyte@mindlink.bc.ca (Mike Quigley)
  Tammy is the wife of Jim Bakker (sp?) a television evangelist, who went to jail for embezzling church members' funds. Tammy was famous for wearing this really horrible mascara.
From: kerryy@bnr.ca (Kerry Yackoboski)
  Jimmy Bakker's wife, Tammy Faye Bakker.
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Robertson says that he's The One
Oh sure he is,

Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay,
From: fnord@panix.com (Cliff Heller)
  Jimbo is Jim Bakker. A classic deep south nickname.
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Perhaps it's their idea
Of an Affirmative Action Plan
From: fnord@panix.com (Cliff Heller)
  ...A liberal government scheme to tip the balance back in order to give minorities and the underpriviliged a fair chance. It manifests itself in terms of quotas where a company or school would be forced to hire/admit a percentage of certain groups. They are controversial, they don't work and often result in qualified applicants being rejected in favor of underqualified ones.
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To give White Trash a 'special break';
Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran
From: fnord@panix.com (Cliff Heller)
  This is the tie in. It's their affirmative action for "White Trash" (a racist term), who tend to really get the short end of any real "Affirmative Action Plans", which assume that simply because you are white you are privileged, which is certainly not the case.
 
To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank!
And every night we can hear them thank
Their Buddy, up above
For sending down his love
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  The music which accompanies this section is a quotation from the "Light Cavalry Overture" by Franz Von Suppe. This same quote has also been widely used in cartoons and it is this aspect which flavors it in the Iconography of Americana.
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Jim and Pat should take a pole
(Right up each saintly glory-hole),
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  The main use of the phrase "glory-hole" in American English refers to places (adult movie theaters with private booths, bathrooms in some gay bars, whatever) where gay males can go, stick their schlong through a "glory-hole" in a wall and the considerate person on the other end will perform various "acts of fun" on it.
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With tar and feathers too --
Just like they'd love to do to you
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  In the Old West (and up until maybe the 1930s), if you pissed off the folks in a small town you ran the risk of them banding together into a vigilante group at which time they'd capture and "tar and feather" you. As the name implies, they dunk you in hot tar and then stick chicken feathers all over your body. This is also a Ku-Klux-Klan activity (see below) which still goes on.
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Conviced they are 'The Chosen Ones' --
And all their parents carry guns,
And hold them cards in the N.R.A.
From: Charles Ulrich <culrich@pomona.edu>
  National Rifle Association. They are the most vocal opponents of any proposed gun control legislation.
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(With their fingers on the triggers
When they kneel and pray)

With a Ku-Klux muu-muu
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  A muu-muu is a "traditional" dress which is worn by many Pacific Island peoples. It is not in fact a genuine traditional dress but was imported and imposed upon these peoples by Christian missionaries who were totally shocked at the generally casual nudity of said peoples. With that in mind, a muu-muu is more or less a large sack dress in multi-colored flower designs which covers quite a lot of otherwise dangerous and sinfully exposed flesh.
  In this context, FZ is making fun of the "traditional" costume worn by members of the Ku Klux Klan (in short, the KKK is a white hate organization dating from the end of the Civil War which practises murder and intimidation upon any and all "non-white" [whatever the hell that is] neighbors). When they're out doing their thing "for the white race", KKK members wear a white costume (or sometimes "royal purple", if you're the Big Cheese) rather like a monk's robe with the addition of a pointed hood (which presumably covers a pointed head) with 2 eye-holes cut in it.
 
In the back of the truck,
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  I can think of no Klan member I've ever heard of who didn't qualify as "A Redneck" (a generic referent to ignorant white males from the South whose neck, face, and arms are red from sun exposure [but the rest of 'em is purest fish-belly-white]). This is not to say that every redneck is necessarily a Klan member and/or a racist (most are just "simple countryfolk"), but the standard stereotype is that a redneck is a dumb gun-toting, God-fearing, Super-patriotic fool who drives a truck. The truck is Standard Equipment and very important. In fact, you can expect to see a rebel flag displayed somewhere on the truck (maybe an actual flag whippin' from an 8-foot radio aerial, or a bumper sticker - there are other variants).
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If you ain't Born Again,
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  When you are inducted into the ranks of Christianity, you are said to be "born again" as a NEW PERSON. Yeah, right.
 

"Life's too precious, can't you see!"
(What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree?
Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me --
Would THEY do THAT...seriously?)
(FZ: They've been doing it for years)
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  Another reference to the KKK. Klan members (who more often than not are Pillars of the local Christian community) still get together for fun and lynch "uppity niggers" (though not as often as in years past - progress y'know). If there was a local non-white person who deeply offended the white community in some way (say, glancing in the general direction of a white woman, or attempting to vote), late at night the Klan would ride out (in their trucks), capture the "uppity nigger", torture him for a while and then hang from a prominent local tree as a warning to others.
 
Claims not to be a "Faith Healer",
But has, in the past,
Dealt stearnly with everything
from hemorrhoids to hurricanes
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  A number of years ago, a hurricane (I forget the name) was threatening the US East Coast (including the general area where "Brother Pat" lives and lies). So, Pat Robertson went on his "700 Club" TV program and used his Awesome Powers as Jesus' Best Friend to make the hurricane veer away from the coast (and millions of dollars worth of Pat's real estate holdings). Of course this is pure bullshit - but when the hurricane veered off as it would have anyway, Pat "gave the credit to God" but somehow managed to keep a bunch himself - truly a Force to be reckoned with.
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There's an old rugged cross
In the land of cotton --
It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn
And it still smells rotten
From: Evil Bob <evilbob@tbag.tscs.com>
  The music in this section is in part a mixture of quotations from an old spiritual called "The Old Rugged Cross" and from Stephen Foster's famous "Dixie".
  This is also another KKK reference. Another "fun" thing the good old boys in the KKK do is get together and intimidate people they don't like by erecting a burning cross on their lawn in the middle of the night. They also burn great big crosses at their Secret Rally Meetings (with prayer).
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Imagine if you will

Claims to be a MAN OF GOD;
Currenty seeking the United States Presidency,
Hoping we will all follow him into --
The Twilight Zone
From: Mr_Gigabyte@mindlink.bc.ca (Mike Quigley)
  The Twilight Zone was a famous TV show during the 1960's which dwelt on supernatural events. It was remade with new episodes several years later.
From: Charles Ulrich <culrich@pomona.edu>
  Another old TV show (CBS, 1959-1964). It's the mysterious place (between sleep and waking? between reality and illusion?) where spooky and horrible things happen. You wouldn't want to go there.
From: kerryy@bnr.ca (Kerry Yackoboski)
  A great TV show made in the 1950's and 1960's. It was science fiction of a sort, and each episode (30 minutes) featured a completely different story; there were no repeating characters. The stories were always about something strange and inexplicable that not happen on our planet, except in... the Twilight Zone.
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